Silly Season 2004

Well it's Christmas again. A time where all beings go a little nuts ... not excluding me. I have spent the recent weeks cleaning house so to speak. Trying to shed all that is not meaningful for me. That seems to center around relationships mostly. Trying to lose my victims mentality. Fighting the jaded mind-set. Not easy when there are so many liars and cheaters and bears. What happened to meaning what you say ..say what you mean. I think I might have lost that for awhile.

Met a couple of new "friends" recently ... ones that create hope. Hope I can be myself and not have to filter too much to keep them comfortable. One's that appreciate the status quo for something to avoid. Think outside the box they say ...open minds they have. We'll see.

I think I've been compared to an alpha male. Kind of useful to look at it that way. Am I really trying to cull a female from the pack? Or am I trying to replace the alpha and take the pack with me? If you see a member heading towards a trap do you let them be? I think most do. What if its just the normal re-sorting of a new member. They have to fight for their natural position in the hierchy. The females can sort it out on their own ...right? What if one of the females is already under my protection and another is threatening her... in my mind at least. What if her alpha is not looking out for her best interest ... in my mind at least. You can always fall back on "it is what it is". Take away any personal responsibilty. Avoidance is the ultimate cop-out. Like I was really drunk ... I didn't know ... It's none of my business ... different strokes... and all that.

Denial of disservice ... the hinge pin of modern values.